So here I am. I havent written anything over a month. Maybe I needed this break. Its either things are getting better and more stabile or am I just getting more numb so I just dont give a shit whats happening. Your pick. I cant make that pick, I just dont know. Maybe I dont want to choose now. I prefer to let things go as they go. It happens like this anyways, why push it.
I dont know, am I still after all this being too trusting?? I dont know. One friend said to me that I have to stop taking people as myself. Meaning that I cant judge people according to the standards I set for myself. Like the fact that I dont lie and Im being honest doesnt make the rest of the people honest aswell. I keep forgetting that sometimes. I'd like to be like a blue-eyed kid, walk around with my heart wide open and meet people and see that the world is really a great place to be and the people are worth trusting and relaying on. And its severly disappointing that its not like this. Not even close. World is going to...hell maybe. And I dont know who I can trust. I need friends..but how can i actually get them when I dont know who to trust?? Dilemma here once again. Do I just have to take my chance and be prepared to be kicked down??
Today is my moms birthday. Happy 46st birthday to her. I love her to bits. And tomorrow is the birthday of one of my old friends who lives in the states. He doesnt talk to me anymore, maybe its easier like that...who knows....
