Feeling the deep calm over me

Good evening, my Dear Void.

My working week is over and I'm heading straight towards weekend. This weekend will be busy for me, I'm going to my choir rehearsal and then the day is done. Nowadays there is so little daylight that day seems to be almost like cut in half and it only gets worse still. The winter equinox is more than a month away and so is the change towards days getting longer again.

This week has had its ups and downs, these last few days have really brought a smile on my face. Its been busy and full of things to do but I have powered through and now I have this sense of relief and peace coming from within me.

There is something about children that is so special. The little ways they appreciate you as a teacher. And I, I am a teacher that is new, the one they don't know but somehow so far I have always managed to bridge that gap and get them on my side.
There is something heartwarming when they tell you that you are really good teacher and they would like you to come back. I know it might be only words, so simple, but I would like to believe that they are sincere. It probably sounds cheesy, but it makes me feel that my efforts haven't been in vain, because, speaking for myself, I really try.

Before I left the school on Wednesday, I was handed couple of drawings and I was also a recipient of a big hug.

These past two days I have been in a wonderful all-girls school.
The people there are so nice, I am absolutely lack of words and the children, how inquisitive and clever girls go to that school. I have seen them before when I past their school on the bus, how they walk to school or from school in their most adorable uniforms. ( Seriously, these are the cutest uniforms I have ever seen, blazer and dress, not forgetting those little hats with bows on it). Think about Madeline, exactly like this, only different colour.
I had such a wonderful time with those girls, all the questions they asked about out topics and life in general, were really a good starter for a deep conversation. And when they ask you in the end of the day whether they see you next week, you really want to say yes, but I actually never know if I am sent back. I truly hope I will have that chance.

And in case you don't know who is this Madeline I speak of, here is a little video.

Im off to enjoy my Friday evening with a lovely mug of strawberry-mint tea.

Enjoy my Madeline, Dear Void, and sweet dreams!

Be gone, little voice!

Good morning my Dear Void.

Its Tuesday and I am at home. My agency didn't call me in today and its fine. I will make the most of the day, doing things around the home and soon heading out as well. My agency has the clause that I have to be ready to be called in until 11am.
Sorry, I think I have forgotten to mention that I work as a supply teacher through an agency. In a way it is better for me. I get to experience different stages in primary school, get loads of different experiences and then figure out where I want to anchor myself down.
Only there is a downside. I have to be on a "phone-watch" from 7am. That is the time when they start calling me and sending me to schools. Most of the time I don't know where I am going until they tell me after 7am and then I have to be prepared to step out the door immediately to make my way to the school and reach there by 8.30.  Some days they let me know a day before where I would be going but so far its mostly being morning calls.
I have been doing well with it. My Dear Void, you know that I have been a morning person all my life and I like to be prepared. So all I need to do in the morning is get dressed, put my lunchbox into my bag that I have prepared the night before, put on shoes and jacket and off I go.

I would eventually like to stay put somewhere. Some schools have expressed their interest in taking a teacher from the supply staff that they have had in their school but so far I haven't been chosen for a permanent role.

And I discovered one thing, my Dear Void, something I struggle with and something I have to tackle right away. Its my soft heart. I honestly didn't think that I would even encounter such a thing while being a supply teacher but I have.
It's rejection. Maybe it sounds silly or overreaction or me thinking too much. Maybe its me getting my hopes up high and imagining way ahead of myself but it's really tough sometimes.
When you have gone to a place knowing that they are looking for someone permanent and you are one of the possible candidates and finding out the next morning that you weren't called back. When you already got to know the ways they do things and you got to know the children.
I know, my sound head tells me that it's  not because they didn't like me, I just was't the one they were looking for. But there is something inside of me that whispers that I just wasn't good enough. After I figure myself out and shake it off, I understand that it is silly and I shouldn't have taken it into my heart but at that moment this little voice is piercing.

I have battled this little voice all my life and as I grow older, this voice grows smaller. I just wonder if it will ever be so tiny that it feels completely insignificant that I won't even notice it anymore.