Be gone, little voice!

Good morning my Dear Void.

Its Tuesday and I am at home. My agency didn't call me in today and its fine. I will make the most of the day, doing things around the home and soon heading out as well. My agency has the clause that I have to be ready to be called in until 11am.
Sorry, I think I have forgotten to mention that I work as a supply teacher through an agency. In a way it is better for me. I get to experience different stages in primary school, get loads of different experiences and then figure out where I want to anchor myself down.
Only there is a downside. I have to be on a "phone-watch" from 7am. That is the time when they start calling me and sending me to schools. Most of the time I don't know where I am going until they tell me after 7am and then I have to be prepared to step out the door immediately to make my way to the school and reach there by 8.30.  Some days they let me know a day before where I would be going but so far its mostly being morning calls.
I have been doing well with it. My Dear Void, you know that I have been a morning person all my life and I like to be prepared. So all I need to do in the morning is get dressed, put my lunchbox into my bag that I have prepared the night before, put on shoes and jacket and off I go.

I would eventually like to stay put somewhere. Some schools have expressed their interest in taking a teacher from the supply staff that they have had in their school but so far I haven't been chosen for a permanent role.

And I discovered one thing, my Dear Void, something I struggle with and something I have to tackle right away. Its my soft heart. I honestly didn't think that I would even encounter such a thing while being a supply teacher but I have.
It's rejection. Maybe it sounds silly or overreaction or me thinking too much. Maybe its me getting my hopes up high and imagining way ahead of myself but it's really tough sometimes.
When you have gone to a place knowing that they are looking for someone permanent and you are one of the possible candidates and finding out the next morning that you weren't called back. When you already got to know the ways they do things and you got to know the children.
I know, my sound head tells me that it's  not because they didn't like me, I just was't the one they were looking for. But there is something inside of me that whispers that I just wasn't good enough. After I figure myself out and shake it off, I understand that it is silly and I shouldn't have taken it into my heart but at that moment this little voice is piercing.

I have battled this little voice all my life and as I grow older, this voice grows smaller. I just wonder if it will ever be so tiny that it feels completely insignificant that I won't even notice it anymore.