Compulsive whatever...

Today, over a long time, its really spring-like weather. That, if nothing else should make me happy. No.
Tell me, Void, how on earth should I ever get over it?? Over the fact that She is still in the picture. Not in Our picture, but still in our world, because she is working with him. And nowadays quite often, as I found out. I believe that there is nothing happening behind my back anymore. BUT I dont want to give her any change what so ever to do anything. I want her totally out of our life. But that is impossible at the moment, because I cant say that hey, leave your job. And the same thing to my husband. Its hard to find a job anyways even for a person who speaks the language. So I dont think He would find any other job. But I hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate that they work together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every time I even see or hear her name first reaction is that I feel paralyzed, then I feel sick in my stomach and then I just want to kick her face in. She ruined 4 months of my life and I can never get them back...Dont get me wrong, Im not saying that He is innocent here, but I can handle Him. But I have no idea what goes on in her head, maybe she is making up some strategy as we speak how to get him back...or whatever...
Sometimes I just feel like Im falling apart. I look in the mirror in the morning and I didnt see the beautiful woman I thought I was. I saw a wreck. A woman who is still not good enough. Not beautiful enough, not thin enough. That starts to sound like some eating disorder. And you know, I constantly want to eat. If I didnt control myself, I would. I would push the frigde into my room and then just shove food into my mouth. I know that its just my brain that tells me to do so. Like I would get some comfort out of it. I know I wont get any of that. Food is not that powerful. If I would do what my brain tells me, I would just end up more miserable than I already am. And more pathetic.
Maybe I should seek professional help...what do you think??

Oh, and I almost forgot. I got a job. Real one. Im now a music teacher in a kindergarten. Hooray for me.