Brain and heart on the battleground.

Tomorrow is the last day of this year. People consider this to be a time for looking back on the ending year, evaluating yourself, your actions, your successes and your misfortunes.
I dont want to turn this post into a speech of pathos but I have had time for myself on these days off from work to think about myself, to really look in the mirror and not necessarily wishing to change anything, just to think about myself and my life.

I consider myself old enough to know what I want from life, yet I have discovered that my soul yearns for things as it did when I was much younger. Like I have a 20 year old Me living inside my heart, though the brains belong to the 28 year old me. Havent I grown up even a bit?
I dont mind feeling like that, who would actually mind feeling younger than their age, but part of me is scared that this young-at-heart me would make the same mistakes as I did when I was actually younger. Its like a situation when 2 people are sitting in a car, and both want to drive. And when the car is already at full-speed, they fight who gets to hold the wheel, making the car swerve. Pretty dangerous situation, if you know what I mean.

Sometimes its like I observe myself from a far as I see myself acting certain way and theres nothing I can do about it. Im not talking about the professional life here, Im talking about the matters of the heart. Thats when the 20 year old jumps to the drivers seat and floors the gas pedal. And a quiet voice keeps telling me that I should watch what Im doing, to be more cautious. But I keep somehow relapsing into this emotional turmoil, wanting to give my all to a person whos in my heart, knowing at the same time that it may come off as too intense,  too aggressive and maybe even scary and the least I want to do is be intimidating. I just feel there so much love I can give. And I want to give it. Like I have lost the breaks, to keep it nice and slow and steady. Because I dont want to overthink, I know Im prone to do that quite often. Maybe I have been on my own too long to know how to properly function in the start of a relationship.

I feel Im ranting and nobody wants to read that. Dear Void, am I really being too intense? About everything.
And now when I read it from the beginning, you might think that I have some sort of a split-personality going on and I should see a specialist. But its always hard when your brain and heart meet on the battleground.