The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there.

I came across that line quite accidentally. Its is an opening line of L.P. Hartley "The Go-Between" published in 1953. I have to admit that I had never heard of that book before. But that line made me think.

Made me think how we want to apply the rules in the past to present situations. We are used to how things have been in the past so we honestly expect them to be so in the present moment. But they are not. Things change in time, we change in time. We cannot hope that the world works the same way it did couple of years ago. We have shaped the time ourselves. And yet it gives us this unsettling feeling when things dont go the way we are "used to". We think that at least the good things should remain the same. But why should good things be excluded from the turn of time? Everything changes.

Im not completely sure why I write all this and where I want to get with this talk but when I saw that line, it reminded me of my father. And how I instinctively feel that he still regards me as this 22 year old who once left her home, her country to go to Ireland.
I have told you about the serious coversations I have been having with him and that I told him that I plan to leave again, not tomorrow, not next month but I plan to do so. He told me, not directly though, about what would be waiting for me abroad. I felt that the subtext sounded something like: you went away once, and look what came out of that! Maybe Im over-dramatising, but thats how I feel.
And to make it clear, I did well in Ireland. I had a job, I had a roof over my head and I was completely well. Probably I didnt make the wisest choice of picking my life-partner, but thats completely another matter which had nothing to do with how I managed abroad. And I feel that my father puts those two completely different sides of my life there under the same denominator.

I respect my father and his opinions and I love him with all my heart. I dont know why he thinks it is an easy decision to leave. Its not. Its really hard but I feel that I have to make a decision to be happy and feeling content. I know that I they dont fully understand me because I have always been the odd one, the one whos not afraid to explore and travel, even alone.
I just want them to know that even if Im far, I still love them to bits and I wouldnt be gone for them.
But I cannot live my life according to other peoples wishes, what they want me to do and what they want me to become. I cannot push myself down anymore because in the past that has only made me unhappy. And this life is too short to simply settle for something only because it makes other people happy.