Long time no see..

Cant believe, my Dear Void that the last post here was more than a month ago. Thats exactly what I ment when I once said that I seem to do this blogging in waves. Sometimes I write alot and then for some time theres absolute silence. One of my dear friends asked me that why havent I been writing. And I paused and thought about it. Why indeed? I guess I didnt have anything wise to say. Because I strive to write about things that matter to me, that play on my heartstrings, or simply about things that happen to me that are unusual and funny.

Many things have happened to me during this time of absence. I dont even know where to start but one thing is sure - some things have become more clear to me yet some things are more tangled and some stay untouched.
One decision I took was to move. Move back with my parents. It makes me sad because I truly value my independency but I have no choice. I have decided to relocate and living here alone wont let me prepare for it, financially. It does make me really sad because this place here, its my home even though its only a rental apartment. When I broke the news to my landlord he was sad too because I have been a good tenant. I dont throw loud parties, I dont mess up and trash the place, I always pay my rent and bills on the right time (sometimes I remind him that he needs to come and collect the rent or send me the electricity bill because he just forgets).

Im afraid. More clearly than ever I realize one of my biggest fears. Confrontation. I am a peaceloving person.    But I know that when I move back home, I need to face my father sooner or later. Dont think that he is some sort of a monster. Not at all. He is as strong-willed person as I am. But I know he has his beliefs and opinions. I remember some days ago when I called my mother and asked if I could move back home and she said that we need to talk to dad too. I said straight away that Im afraid and I dont want to. She asked me why and I said that I love dad but I already know what he wants to say about this, about all my plans. Since every time we talked about it, it quickly turned into his monologue with me just sitting there choking back the tears and him talking alone.
And so I said to my mom that I appreciate his opinion, I just dont want to hear it all over again since I know already what he wants to say. But when I move home, I have to hear it sooner or later. So my mom said that she will talk to dad. I texted her later to ask what he said and she answered with the sweetest message ever, that Im always welcome home. It still bring tears to my eyes.
Dont get me wrong, I dont cry about everything. But when something touches me deep or I deal with the matters or people that are the most important to me, I do get emotional.

But so far, I have my plans set for summer, for the relocation. I cant imagine fitting my whole life into 2 suitcases again....de ja vu moment.