Exactly. Im not thrown off balance by something that happens around me, I do it myself. And the same time I curse myself for doing it. Is it some form of masochism? I rather not think about it even though it looks that way.
Have you heard that saying that curiousity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back? And my curiousity keeps "killing" me and theres no satisfaction in sight.
Im talking about Him. I dont know why I cannot permanently leave him in my past. I was with him for years and then it had its gruesome end. Why cant I put it behind me for good? I dont know. What Im about to say sounds really vengeful but maybe its because I want to see him hurt. Maybe its because I want him to fail in everything he does and be miserable, just how he made me feel and be unhappy. I know these are not good feelings and I know that I probably wouldnt feel any happier if I actually saw him be unhappy. Well, maybe I would have few seconds of "schade-freude".
He has nothing to do with my life now nor I with his. I have to stop bringing him back. But how can I stop the memories? How can I stop remembering? I dont know.
One of my dear friends is pretty much facing the same problem right now and I was rather sharp and straightforward with him and said that he is too good for that woman and should just forget her. (I didnt used really those exact words). Why am I not able to take my own advice? Because I dont want to lose my peace of mind again.
No comments:
Post a Comment