Is it real or is it all happening inside my head?

I honestly don't know.
I don't know what to make of myself and things around me.
I don't know what I am doing here. I don't know what am I supposed to be doing.
Dear Void, have you ever caught yourself doing things that you actually don't want to be doing, things that make you hurt inside, but you still do them to...sort of keep up appearances?
Last months I have sensed my life starting to slip away from what I always wanted it to be. And I don't know how to fix it. Even now writing about it makes me choke a little, to have a catch in my throat.
I feel powerless. I feel that things around me are spiralling out of control and there's nothing I can do to stop.
Have you ever found that the person who you have relied on for so long and who's supposed to be your strong shoulder, all of a sudden start working against you? Making me feel misunderstood and not accepted, thought of being deceptive....

And why, my Dear Void, do I ALWAYS want to fix things?? I always want to at least try to make things better...and not just for me, for everybody involved..

Maybe this time, for the sake of my own sanity, I should just let things unfold...