Who am I living for..?

Thats the question I have found myself thinking about recently and not just once. Who am I living for? For someone else or me? Well, to be honest, I feel that lately I have been living for someone else, for everybody else but myself. I have been so busy with trying to impress other people for the sake of my own wellbeing and safety... and to be honest Im so tired of that... But I feel that I cant stop that now, I have to carry on until I feel safe.
I know you cant make someone love you if they dont. But can you make someone love you more than they do at the moment?? I dont know what Im trying to prove here, I just cant stand the thought that the love He has for me is not that big as it used to be before. Before, the world was full of that love...and now...Im afraid to ask. I know that he loves me, but that is not really the question.
and Im being The Queen Of Paranoia lately. I feel that all the bad emotions inside are growing smaller and going more numb as days go by...I hope some day they are that numb that I cant notice and feel them inside me anymore...
And just now!! I realised one thing! The answer to the question why Im so shaken from this all!! Im so shocked and shaken and my peace of mind is gone for just one reason - I thought that the thing that happened, that this could NEVER EVER happen to me.. like...I still cant believe that it actually happened. Well I KNOW that it did...but its the fact that you read about these things all the time and think that welll, that will never happen to me, because my relationship and love and everything are so stabile and sound. BUT...when it happens...BOOOM!! all your glass-castle is shattered and you just cant believe what just happened. YOU THOUGHT THAT IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO YOU!
And to be honest, I was like that too. And thats what hurts that I was so sure about his love and devotion so I just didnt see it coming from anywhere....
But Im growing stronger day by day.