Long time no see..

Its been a while since I wrote here. I took my time to think about certain things. I can truly say now that I have made peace with myself. Finally. I have thought so much. Mostly about what I want to do with my life. Well. In a way I have thought about what I definately dont want to do with my life. I dont want to suffer anymore. I want to be happy and I know that I deserve to be happy.
And about me and Him. Things are pretty stabile here nowadays. No talk or discussion about her. He doesnt seem to have any kind of feelings for her. I dont want to open a champange just yet. I rather be careful. And Im still paranoid. Although we get along muchmuch better than we used to and we are talking a lot more.
And He is thinking about taking time off. Im afraid that He will start partying then. I already saw some pictures where He was drunk and He was hoochi-dancing with one of his colleagues. I dont appreciate that. It seems that the time with his "friends" is the time He feels single again and He doesnt think about me. I dont know. Im scared in a way about my numbness. Im scared that I stop feeling things, that I become ...totally numb about everything.
I just say that lets live one day at a time, altough its hard for me, because Im a planner. But I have to do that, if I dont want to go totally crazy..