Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.

Thats not true. Words are more likely to hurt you that sticks and stones. Its weird, how you can recall many things that people have said to you in the past very accurately..sometimes the weirdest lines or dialogues echo in your head.
I seem to do this blogging in "waves". I do it for a while and then put it aside for months until I feel like writing again. Its not because nothing happens in my life but I just dont feel like writing sometimes and moulding my thoughts into words. Because sometimes its easier to just think. Havent you felt sometimes that when you say your thoughts out loud, they became more real?
Last time I wrote here I said that I finally have that moment what they mean in saying: What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. Yes, it does. But it also drains all energy out of your body and soul. And then you have to find a way to "recharge" yourself. Truth to be told, I havent found that way yet.
My summer vacation time is almost over. 1,5 weeks to go and then its back to work. I dont want to. Its not that I dont love what I do, but I just dont want to. I much rather just lay at home and be a vegetable. But thats not one of the options. I have to start planning my work-things soon. But I do it when my vacation-time is over. I dont think I have much to do at work until september.
My marriage is in standstill. We do get along just fine. Still apart in many ways..hoping to get some professional help soon and then we see if things can really be fixed between us. One thing that really scares me is that I have lost almost all hope in this. Im so tired of pushing it all alone that I may not be able to keep it together for much longer. I yearn for things He cannot give me. And it leaves me all emtpy and aching inside. But Im still holding on.