Crossroads.

Here I am, over a long time again. I dont know why I do this blogging in waves. This is actually first post here this year and its already the middle of July. I have already had my summer holidays for nearly a month now and little over a month more to go before I have to return to work. And to be honest, I have many thoughts concerning my work.
I dont know why, but I feel that my work doesnt completely fulfill me. I have felt like this for a while now. I feel that I want to do something different. Not completely different because I love music and children and I enjoy working with them....but I wish I could do something different with my music and children. Lately I have been starting to think about studying again. Studying something like music therapy, something for my soul aswell. And then continue working in that field. The only thing is that you cannot really study something like this here in Estonia. Thats why I have been thinking about moving someplace else. Since I dont have a family of my own, no kids yet I could still move and go and search....
I dont know why am I like this. Ready to explore and not afraid to go and challenge myself. Im the odd one in my family because they have their roots in solid ground whereas me.... I know that Im older and I am independent yet still I know that I care maybe too much about what my parents think about me and my decisions. They probably regarded my departure to Ireland in 2007 as being young and stupid. But now if I was to leave...they would just think that Im stupid.
I know, Dear Void, that you cannot answer my questions. You cannot even guide me but I get comfort "talking out loud" like this. Because as sad as it may sound, the truth is that I dont really have people to talk to, people who wouldnt instantly judge me.