Disgustingly joyful

Well, my Dear Void, I wouldnt really call myself that. Though that term was used once to describe me. Actually that happened quite long time ago.

The reason why Im writing here this early Monday morning (my absolute least favourite morning) is my father. No rant this time. But something he said made me think and brought back something a friend told me few months ago.

My father called me yesterday and asked if I wanted to join him for a ride. My gut feeling told me what it was about but I still went. And it was right. It was exactly what I thought it would be about. We sat in the car and as he was driving, he was talking aswell only this time I felt that there was a change in his character. Maybe I need to thank my mother for that as my dad mentioned that mom had spoken with him.
We didnt talk for a very long time but he did tell me his thoughts but in a more mellow way. He said that Im always welcome home and that he and my mom see that im unhappy as my life isnt exactly going as I have imagined.
He said that he can see that Im unhappy. That brought back the conversation with one of my friends who came to visit me few months ago. We sat here, had some coffee and he said something like : my God, all those things you have been through in your life, no wonder that you are depressed and unhappy..
But Im not.
I wouldnt describe myself as a exhilaratingly happy but Im not depressed and unhappy either. Yes, I have had a rocky past and some things have gone completely wrong. Hey, I thought that by the time Im 25, I have my own home, loving husband and maybe one child aswell. That just shows how many turns life can take. But when I think about my life, I dont see it as being down in the gutter. I have had ups and downs, but I see my ups more than my downs.
My life has been a journey and I have met some wonderful people on the way. And there are people who have it worse than me. Im not doing that thing that my friend Ben described as "schadenfreude" because theres no such word in english. I just know that people have it worse than me, so what is there for me to complain. Maybe thats something that relates to my previous post when I said that Im not feeling defeated when facing obstacles or going through rough patches. Because I know they wont be forever. Obstacles, I mean. And I refuse to be unhappy.