Operation Motivation

 My Dear Void, 

I am struggling these days to find motivation to do anything. And I mean anything. Even the little things need such a push, to get myself up and going. Someone is holding down the brake inside my head. Not me.

I have thought about one rule I definitely can implement. IF it takes less than 5 minutes to do, get up and do it now.

I have been reading poetry. I have 3 poetry books called something like poetry of underground. These are very sad poems. I read and I cry. I feel these feelings resonating inside and strangely, I feel more alive.

Reading poetry reminded me of one class I had in university. It had nothing to do with poetry itself but it was a class of pedagogical communication. We all took turns to read one poem to find ways to give it more meaning. I would like to write it here. Its a poem written by Estonian poet Doris Kareva and its called Lõpp (the end)

Doris Kareva - Lõpp

Ma ootasin sind sellel külmal päeval. Ma tean, et sa ei teadnud. Nüüd siis tea: ma ootasin sind. Sellel külmal päeval. Ei, vabandama tõesti sa ei pea. Kõik otsustati väljaspool meid endid. Ma ootasin, sest mina tahtsin nii. Kõik otsustati. Väljaspool meid endid ma teadsin, sa ei tule nagunii. Ei, ära ütle, et sa oleks tulnud, kui oleksid vaid teadnud, võinud vaid. Ei, ära ütle, et sa oleks tulnud. Ma vihkan valesid. Ka ilusaid.