Summer's almost gone....

For me it soon is because I return to work next monday. I dont really want to. I would kick and scream if it helped, but it doesnt..so I just sigh and take it as a (wo)man.. That is really the only thing I truly hate about summer vacations...that they end. I honestly wish they didnt.

Anyways I went somewhere awesome this summer! Guess where?!? Oh, right, you can't really guess, so I tell you. LONDON! And I had some rainy, but fabulous time there:)

I would have written about it sooner, but my computer was taking a vacation too... Truth to be told, it was in the repairs because of its behaviour and once I was back from London I had to entertain myself with History Channel and Discovery world (which was not bad at all, don't think Im complaining) and I also became frequent visitor to the citys central library.

Yes, back to London. To be completely honest, I have to start from the very beginning...I took a plane from Tallinn to Luton and when I stepped out of the plane I completely froze. Not because of the excitement but because of COLD! It was so chilly there and I was dressed for vacation. Should have known better. But as I always say: mõistus pole enda teha.

This week in London passed in a whirlwind. I got to do all the things I wanted, to visit the famous sights, walk around the town, eat fish and chips, shop, ride the doubledecker and the tube, going to the zoo and so on. I liked the feeling of anonymity, the feeling of freedom and ease. The feeling of being able to truly be ME and not worry about the superficial little things that crowd my life here. In London there was other kind of crowdedness, people. There were just soooooo many people on the streets in the city....unbelievable. And seeing whats been happening there in the past week and two, it was so weird to see all those places trashed where i was walking a month ago..

Its sad to think that another summer has passed in a blink of an eye and the next one comes in a years time..

First butterfly

Today, for the first time this year, I saw a butterfly. I was walking home from gym when I noticed something on the pavement and when I got closer, it quickly shot up, opened its wings and fluttered away. We have a saying here that your summer will be like the first butterfly you see. So that means my summer will be full of colours because it was multicoloured butterfly:) lets hope my summer has warm and light colours in it.

Laying on my sofa and looking into the sunny blue sky, I wish to believe that all my pain and suffering is finally over. But I have the feeling that its not. Maybe Im cowardly, maybe Im scared, maybe Im comfortable. Could I leave everything behind and start from the zero again? I dont know. You know, dear Void, its also so much more easier when someone does the tough decisions for you. Dont you think so? Then later you are free from responsibility and can blame someone else for making that decision and also for the consequences.
Am I truly the traveller I claim myself to be? The black sheep of the family. Or is this still life changed me into someone who cannot take a deep breath and step headfirst into the unknown. Someone who thinks about what people think of me. Me, who has always claimed not to care about the society stereotypes and rules of conduct and who has always done what my heart has told me to do. Do I even have a working heart anymore?

Hope I get some clarity after the craze at work is over. Until then...

Something good:)

Hips dont lie.

Indeed they dont. It was my second time in zumba yesterday. And a miracle happened. I danced the whole hour with a smile on my face, without feeling this 20 minute collapsing-feeling in the beginning:) and it was reallyreally fun. Doing that again on sunday.

When I saw women gathering for the class, I saw that most of them were real babes. Not that I feel bad that Im not, I just wanted to see how they can move, with their fancy special zumba-attire. And to be honest, they cant much. Wooden-hip syndrome. I think that what I do for living helps me in dancing - my good ability to sense the beat in the music. So for me it was easy to match the moves with music, though I had my few stumbling moments aswell:D

Im so happy its friday:)

Early summer

Yes, dear Void, the early summer is here. It was 22 degrees yesterday, sunny and not a puff of a cloud in the sky. Its nice for a change, though I know it wouldnt stay like this. It gets cooler in the coming days. The first day it was hot, I thought to myself: YAY!! finally its warm, exactly like I have wished during the past couple of months. And when it was time for me to go home that day, I stepped out...indeed it was warm. And I wasnt really properly dressed so soon it wasnt warm, it was hot. And then I got flashbacks of the moments in summer that I absolutely hate - not a whiff of wind, sun blazing, sweating and the fact that you cant do anything about it...sweating, I mean.
And here you see, you get a look at a typical human being (not to say estonian) when nothing is ever good. When it rains, we want sun. When its sunny, we want shade. But to be honest, I am dreading the midsummer a bit because of the talk of it being as it was last year - 35 degrees throughout the july and august.

I wanted to say that its silence before the storm at work. Meaning that next week my Mothersday craze starts. But its not really silence. I can already see teachers getting nervous and that starts to get me nervous and worried. I have tried to keep my cool but its not easy if you see people around you getting into their panic-mode..
And besides that, I have a feeling that some of my colleagues dont really like me, I really dont know why.

I listened to some old favourites of mine, that I used to listen years ago. It brought back some of the old Me and to be honest, it was refreshing. I should do that more often.

I love SALSA!!!

Good morning, Dear Void.
Yesterday I had a great experience, I went to a Zumba training. It is a training that incorporates moves from the latino dances like salsa, cumbia, mambo, merengue, samba and so on. I read an article about it, saying that Zumba practice feels like a big dance party and that time seems to fly when you dance. Well.....
I have to admit, I did enjoy it and I will go again. Though first 20 minutes, I felt as if I was going to drop dead right then and there:D My heartrate hit the ceiling in the first 5 minutes. Imagine me moving myself at my size and weight as if I was a feather dancing in the wind. It didnt happen. I did my best and I dont care what the other ladies might have thought. I know my hips are awesome for latino dances. (Remember the song "Hips dont lie", then you know what Im talking about) Though by the end of the training I looked like a ripe tomato and of course "smart" me forgot to take a waterbottle with me.
After those 20 minutes it was ok, I got used to the speed. I guess it also has to do with the fact that uptil now I have done the trainings that dont get your heartrate high, like pilates and yoga and bodybalance. But mark my words, Dear Void, you will see me again dancing like Shakira...because I love SALSA!! :D

So full of hatred

Not me. But estonians in general. And for me, it is really embarrassing.
I recently read and article about young muslim men in Estonia going to Saudi Arabian madrases and becoming more radical in their views and beliefs. This was just a report from the defence polices yearbook or something. And then I clicked to the comments page..what a havoc was running there. People were flipping out!! Telling all kinds of obscenities, being incredibly rude and really INTOLERANT. That just made me ashamed to be one of them.
And you know, dear Void, whats the aspect that made me feel like this? It was is the fact that they spread the anger and hatred without even knowing what they claim to hate. They have never seen (God forbid read) the Quran, yet they claim to know whats written in there. So they spread the western media stereotypes, poor ones at that. They dont know that there have been muslim people living here for decades. And what is unbelievable is that they mix up religion, race and nationalities. Muslim is not a race, its not a nationality. One comment said that all those muslims are the laziest people. Really, people. Islam a religion like christianity. And not all muslim are brown-skinned. And most of them are just people like me and you, who just want to have a normal life and have families. They just eat little differently and have restrictions to certain things like alcohol. And no normal person lives for war. And no religion preaches war.
People, EDUCATE yourself! And then go and comment. Otherwise you make yourself look like a poorly schooled, narrowminded dumbass.

Thats all I got to say about that.

*a place for something really corny*

Dear Void, dont you agree that very often people put really corny titles to their blog entries? Something that simply oozes sweetness? Today, just for today, I decided to be someone different and not do that. Probably when you scroll down, you will find my own examples of corny right here:D But not today!
I have no intention to be sweet today. Just for one reason - Im ill. Nothing sweet about walking around with the tissue-box, having coughing-fits and laying face down in bed. If you can find any teeny bit of sweetness in that, feel free to point it out.

And this all wasnt the way I planned to spend my weekend. Not at all. I wanted to go to gym (not a good idea to go on a treadmill when you are dizzy) planned to take a walk (which I did, to pharmacy to get painkillers and nosespray) and watch a good movie (cant stare at the screen for long, my eyes start to hurt) and make some really good food and enjoy it (dont really feel hungry). And I really waited for that weekend. Today is Sunday and the weekend is almost gone. And yesterday 10 years ago I lost my brother. Dont really want to talk about that.

Being sick and feeling ill makes me such a cry-baby. I feel the need to have someone around to pamper me. Make me tea, talk to me, tuck me in...just as if I was still a kid. But now, I have to manage it all alone and I do. I do manage it all by myself. I just want to be taken care of instead of me taking care of somebody for a change...lil whining to the end:P