All I want for Christmas is....

To be honest my Dear Void, I was little bit afraid of the Christmas. And simply because I am alone here. Im not really ALONE but Im without my family which makes me sad and makes me feel lonely. I have been around my family every Christmas as long as I remember and this year it was completely different. But weirdly enough, the Christmas passed without sorrow and sadness ( I had a moment there when I was on a videocall with my mom and dad but that was about it). 

I was working throughout the Christmas, both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I had expected these days to be really hectic but they werent! Everything was a smooth sailing for me (almost exept when I dropped empty bowls in the diningroom full of people on Christmas Day). 

And you might wonder why I put that song here. Its because I had an early start on Christmas Day, 8am, getting the restaurant ready, moving the furniture around, putting up tables and all that and somebody put on some Christmas music and this song came on and that made me laugh. And that set me at ease and set the tone for the day.

I came back from work, sat in the bed with my nibbles and munchies, I had some camembert cheese with pears and grapes, some cake and sparkling juice. I sat here, watched Christmas Carol, feeling content and feeling peace in my heart.

Its a Christmas Miracle!

Yes my Dear Void. Miracles, as I see now, do happen! And one happened right this morning. I was still asleep, oblivious to anything around me and then it happened. I woke up, opened my computer and SHAZAM! Here it was! I got a message from my dear dear friend from years ago who just suddenly disappeared. I last heard from him over 2 years ago before he disappeared again. I hope that wont happen. Because I have missed him alot. I missed my pal and his cat Pekk. Im still a little shocked, my thoughts are all scrambled in my head but Im so happy! But I dont want to jump for joy just yet. Maybe he wont write again or maybe I will hear from him another 2 years later...

Foggy day in London town

Yes, my Dear Void, it has been really foggy the past week. I have never seen it like that. Sure I have seen fog but not so thick that I cannot even see 100 metres ahead. At night all te lights have this strange glow and fog hangs around the trees making them look little eerie. I dont really want to draw a parallel to the spooky ghost stories-movies here but rather think of these old movies that have scenes like this, like Fred Astaire coming dancing from behind the trees while fog hangs in the air and swings around the light-pole singing about his magical night with his special love.

Cant believe that its just 10 days before Christmas.  I got the news from the manager that in addition to working on Christmas Day I will also be working on Christmas Eve. So that means that I cannot have the skype broadcast with my family. In a way it makes me sad because I cannot see them on this special evening but in a way, I feel this strange relief. Because I know I would be crying here. And I dont really know how I would hide that weepiness from my family during the live broadcast. I dont know if you know it Dear Void, but my voice goes really weird when I cry and my nose turns red. Not the prettiest sight, I have to tell you. So I would be working on that evening and getting my mind off the fact that I will be alone (not all sad, lonely kind of alone, but independent kind of alone) because the year I celebrated Christmas in Ireland, I was married and not alone at all. And Im glad that they wouldnt be seeing me being sad and teary-eyed because that would make them sad. And Christmas shouldnt be sad. I want them to think that Im all ok here (which I am) and that Im happy (which I am). Just that for me, Christmas is not ment to be spent alone.

Wish all of you out there have someone to hold during holidays!

Happy birthday to ME!

Actually my birthday was yesterday but I wanted to share what happened yesterday evening when I went to work. I got to work, my big boss wished me happy birthday and when I walked in the restaurant (apparently I was little early) my supe rvisors were waiting for me with a small black forest gateau cake with a candle on top, flowers and a card. Since I was early, they couldnt light the candle in time, so I went back out and came back in and as soon as I walked through the door again, they started singing the birthday song, even though they are not the greatest singers. They had made me a drink aswell, orange juice in champagne glass. Later when the chefs in the kitchen found out that it was my birthday, they sang to me too when I stepped in the kitchen. Our new chef is a really good singer, he is tall like a mountain, towering over you when you happen to stand next to him.
I didnt expect anything of that kind to happen and it made me smile all evening. It was truly a heartwarming surprise! Thank you Chloe and Christine and everybody else!

Gift from Mother Earth

Dear Void, today is my 29th birthday. I cannot believe my quiet conversations with you began already more than 5 years ago. Time goes by so fast, doesnt it?

Actually I was still at work yesterday when the clock striked midnight and when I walked out the door, there was white frost on the ground. And I have always, since I was a child already,wished for snow to be on the ground for my birthday. And against all odds, it happened and Im happy about that.

One thing Im not happy about is that I dont have internet at home. You might ask that how am I posting this blog entry. Well, to tell the whole story: when I came here in July, my friend (who Im sadly not talking to anymore) got me the internet stick. I came home last evening and the normal internet was gone and this morning I ran downstairs to inform my flatmates that the router isnt working. And he just said that he will look at it when he comes home in the evening. I dont know why this always happens on my birthday, same thing happened a year ago when I was still living in Estonia in my little apartment.
So I will just use that internet stick, which my friend didnt cancel just for today for the birthday-purposes.

So here I am, sitting in my bed, still in my pajamas wishing me happy birthday. I miss my family the most in these moments but I try not to be sad even though I cried a little when I watched their skype video they made me. We have the tradition of singing the birthday-kid up in the morning with one specific song and they made me a video of it. And I can honestly say that being alone on your birthday sucks but what can I do. I hope the next ones will be different.

Shaken, not stirred.

Dear Void, I discovered something unsettling. The people who I share the home with and one of them is the one who I pay rent to, they also have the extra key to my room! And they have been in my room when I have been away. I feel really violated right now. This here is my home and nobody is supposed to come here without my permission. I know this place is not really mine but as long as I pay my rent, this is my home and nobody has the right to sneak in when Im not here.
I discovered it when I opened the little storage cupboard and I saw that the things have been moved around. I was flabbergasted. I understand that she might have needed some things from those boxes, but all she needed to do is to send me a text or call saying that sorry, I need something from there. And then it would have been fine. But now it makes me think that maybe there are some other times when they have been in my room and god forbid gone through my things. I hope thats not true.

No to home improvements!!

And  I dont mean the tv-show that used to run in the 90s.

As I found out today, you are not allowed to do any handywork in your home without being afraid of your neighbours complaining. And Im not talking about hammering away in the evening or drilling at night. No. Let me tell you the story my Dear Void.

I live here in a shared apartment in a room that basically just has a wardrobe and bed. Being a person who likes comfort around her, I decided to change my room a little and get some more furniture and since I got paid little while ago, I went and bought myself a bed-side cabinet. I wont tell you how I hauled it home, all 12 kilos of it among other things like lampshades and a table lamp and bits and pieces in the other bags. I could have been easily mistaken for a camel with its carriage, treading through the desert if the weather wouldnt have been so bleak and chilly.
Enough about that. I got home, and I started to assemble the cabinet, since it was flat-packed. It was almost all done and I only had to hammer in some tiny nails to attach the cardboardish back of the cabinet. Since I didnt have a hammer, I used a heavy glass jar and as soon as I had given the nails few good bangs, my flatmate was banging on my door, saying that its not allowed!! Neighbours will complain.
I was like WHAT? Its noon-time! What if something breaks down and I need to use hammer or a drill to fix it? Will the neighbors complain then too or call the police saying that: look, that person is fixing things. How dare she!
So I ended up pushing those nails in. Took me considerably longer time, but I managed and now I have a bed-side cabinet. And I still dont care about my benefit-milking neighbors who may have nothing better to do then to listen someone assemble a bedside cabinet.