Crushed...

I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest...and thrown on the floor...where it does its last twitches...til it dies....
I cant believe how two-faced people can be. They act in your face like everything is going fine and good...and behind your back...its totally different story.
I wonder what is His plan? Act like everything is going to normal again, then come back and give the death-blow? He has given me hope during these last days...but now...theres not possible to hide such things. I will find out anyway....
But gosh...noone told me that it hurts sooo badly....if I had only known how it felt to have your heart torn into pieces....I would have never....ever done what I did....
Tell me, dear Void, is it right to stand in the way of what they suppose is love? What about my LOVE?? And then to find out all the lies there has been said....
Im just a vegetable now, just waiting and sitting here...but it still hurts so much inside....I almost wish I could cut my heart out to only stop it hurting.....
and tomorrow Im 24. Happy frickin Birthday to me...