It's coursing through my veins.

 Blood, yes sweet blood is coursing through my veins Dear Void.

Quite morbid-sounding start to this post, I have to admit. I'm struggling again with the blood sugar. I have followed my program for exactly 6 months and a day now and next week is my big blood test appointment. I am terrified. I was taken off the medication because the levels were good. BUT that was with the help of the medication. I haven't had any in my system for 3 months now and I don't know what the results may be now. I would be absolutely devastated if I had to go back to taking pills every time I ate. I know, I know Void, that there are no guarantees and I knew it when I started that there is a chance to get off the medication but I so much want it to be true for me for a long term. Diabetes is with me for life, like an invisible backpack I carry on my shoulders. A silent killer (if to be extra dramatic and even more morbid).

The way I manage my eating and all seems somehow be more of a problem for everybody else but myself. Strange isn't it? The way I eat now and what I eat is a habit for me now, thus it's easy. It takes some thinking ahead sometimes but its alright. I'm not losing my sleep over things I can not eat anymore. My family finds it a bit hard to fathom. Not even the family here, but back home. They feel somehow that I have to sacrifice the tasting-pleasures of all kinds of sweet delicacies. I have never once told them that I miss anything yet they feel that I somehow harbour some deep yearnings. It is actually quite humorous at times.

I go to my bedroom and stand in front of the mirror and I look at myself. With true honesty, I can tell you dear Void, I like what I see. I have worked so hard. It has not been smooth sailing all the time. Being able to work on myself and delve into myself and seeing results is worth million more than a piece of cake (even the words most delicious one).